The Patterns of your Past

When I retired from the Air Force many years ago, I was stuck trying to figure out what to do next. There were so many possibilities! Sure, I could've just relaxed and done nothing, but for those of you who know me, that's not me! I needed a way to be active, to stay engaged, to continually learn and develop, and to have fun!

After months of spinning my wheels, I decided to take stock. I did the typically recommended thing of listing out all the types of things I loved to do--crafts, reading, helping others, etc. But what was missing was taking that exploration even deeper. To find the hidden meanings behind who I was and where I really wanted to go and what I wanted to "do."

Let me stop right here and say that the first thing you need to know is to stop focusing on what you should "do." Instead, start learning to focus on HOW you want to "be." (Not WHAT you want to be, but HOW you want to be--happier, peaceful, more energized, etc.) This will open up a whole new way of thinking for you. I'll come back to this...

Let's start with the doing...

I begin by asking my clients to make a list of 20 Achievements that have brought them the greatest joy over the years. Start when you were a child. Big or small, it doesn't matter as long as it's something that you feel really good about. List your achievements, school and work-related successes, personal life highlights. (For me it was becoming a pitcher on my high school softball team, being a Distinguished Graduate from AFROTC, having a successful military career in a male-dominated environment, driving halfway across the country by myself, raising two daughters as a single mother, etc.).

When I looked under the surface to those joyful achievements--how they made me feel--I found the pattern: I enjoy things that are challenging, that are hard! I may not have truly enjoyed it at the time, but stepping back and looking at those things made me realize I like the thrill of new things, of learning and overcoming potential obstacles.

A few years ago I was teaching a workshop which would eventually become the basis for my Finding Focus coaching and training. At the workshop, one woman said, "I'm having trouble figuring out what to do with my life." She had recently left her job and was searching for something that would add meaning to her life and make her happy.

When we did the 20 Achievements exercise, she realized her joy was traveling. But she didn't have the funds to travel every month. I then asked her what was it about traveling that she enjoyed most. She said it was meeting new people, trying new food, learning about different cultures...

Once we discovered the pattern of her joy--continual learning, having new experiences, being among people and having engaging conversations--she realized she could find/create these experiences without having to always find it through travel.

I worked with another client who was facing a potential career change. In looking back at his patterns, we discovered he got greater joy by working outdoors, working by himself, doing research and analysis. His potential career change would've had him working in an office, supervising a team, and doing training. Needless to say, he declined the job.

If you're trying to figure out or narrow down what to do next with your life, start by listing your 20 Achievements. Look at the patterns of your past joy. (Don't dwell on the negative past, we're looking at the past with the purpose of looking forward.) Go beneath the surface and find out what's behind the joy of those accomplishments. Learn to feel that experience and start focusing on how you want to BE (not what you want/need to DO).

Then use that information to look at what's before you and begin prioritizing your options--or create new ones! By prioritizing and choosing, it doesn't mean you have to say "No, never!" to some of your options, it could just be a "Not now."

Learn to look at things from a new angle, with a new thought process and wonderful new options and ideas will start appearing for you.

If you want help discovering your patterns, I invite you to reach out to me about scheduling a private coaching session. Life, learning and the discovery of your authentic self is a process, but it doesn't have to be a struggle! I'm here to help.

Cheering for you!